How do I say this without being too crude? Hmm…
Did you know that everyone has a built-in bull detector? It typically gets triggered when other people are incongruent in some way.
Of course, there are cases where some people choose to ignore their BS detector, and/or a con-artist overrides that signal (through fear, anger, pressure, bullying, slurs, etc). Part of my mission in life is to eliminate those from as many lives as possible.
That starts with us hearing and trusting these signals.
Now, there are also plenty of other, non-malicious, reasons someone might be incongruent. It does not necessarily mean they are lying, just that they are communicating mixed messages.
One case is when we are distracted. If I’m busy thinking about how my stomach is rumbling and how I’m ready to have a meal, I’m going to be less than convincing when I talk about how great it is to be sitting here talking with you. I may be having the most wonderful time together with you, and my non-conscious signals of physical distress may interfere with that message.
This means that once you have heard and trusted the signal, you need to do a little processing to find out what may have triggered it — here is your chance to act like a CSI investigator (but maybe not quite so cocky)!
The three things to do when your BS detector goes off: 1. Notice that it is alerting you, 2. Trust that you’ve detected some incongruence, 3. Discover where that incongruence is coming from.
(And if someone tries to pressure you through any of those steps, it is your right and obligation to yourself to take the time you need to work through all three steps rather than letting them make decisions for you, good, bad, or ugly.)
When you are ready to join NLP Monthly, I’m happy to share more ways and means to allow your protective mechanisms to do their job without getting in your way.